It's Not Okay

It's Not Okay

Book - 2016
Average Rating:
8
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"Andi Dorfman, the beloved finalist of season eighteen of The Bachelor who infamously rejected Juan Pablo and went on to star on season ten of The Bachelorette, dishes about what it's like to live out a love story--and its collapse--in front of the cameras, offering hard-won advice for moving on after a break-up, public or not"--
Publisher: New York : Gallery Books, 2016
Edition: First Gallery Books hardcover edition
ISBN: 9781501132469
1501132466
Branch Call Number: 791.45028 D732D 2016
Characteristics: viii, 310 pages ; 22 cm
Alternative Title: It is not okay

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k
KatG613
Feb 13, 2017

This was definitely a "skim-read, and finish in half a day" book, for me. The writing is bad, extremely cliché, and full of generic 'how to get over a break up' advice. As a Bachelor/Bachelorette/Bachelor in Paradise watcher, I read it for the gossip ... but the gossip was few and far between - except when speaking of Josh, her ex-fiancé. Don't expect too much from this book, roll your eyes at the generic love advice, and know full well that those text conversations between her and her friends are 100% fiction (no one talks to their friends like that).

s
s390325
Jan 19, 2017

This book had more substance than I expected, and was not as "juicy" as I thought it would be. If you are a fan of the show and watched any of the seasons that starred Andi or Josh Murray, you will probably enjoy this book. I used to be a die-hard Bachelor/ Bachelorette fan and I got this book out in part because I was hoping for more details of what the "contestants" go through and what living in that house is like. That aspect of her story was barely mentioned at all. I also wondered why she kept referring to Josh as Number 26 (26th breakup from the shows) rather than by his real name; perhaps she had an agreement with the network about what she could and couldn't say because not much is said about the show itself. (One detail about the show that she mentions in the book is a scene edited out of the show, when Josh is upset with her after the "lie detector" group date, even though she did not pick out the activity and everyone had to participate. This gives you some clue about what the show is trying to do with its editing process). I did not like the structure of the book as a guide to get you through your breakup, because I doubt anyone is reading it to get advice from her. The format of writing in the present tense as if she is quoting from a diary or talking to you right after the breakup, and then switching back to the past and revealing what actually happened in their relationship, made the book rather choppy, and gave it a sense of implausibility because I find it hard to believe she really wrote or could recall in great detail about exactly what she was doing each day. She could have incorporated the "how she got through it" part in a more subtle way, using the past tense, at the end of the story. The little "lessons learned" at the end of each chapter were a bit contrived. When I started reading the book I thought she came across as rather shallow, probably because she referred to a lot of drinking to ease the pain of the breakup, and because at 26, despite having a promising legal career, good relationship with her family, and a group of close friends, she was so concerned that she wasn't in a relationship when all of her friends were married or engaged that she gave into her friends' peer pressure to go on the Bachelor casting call. I wish she did not feel that she had to be in a relationship to be okay and that she was a 3rd wheel even in her own family. Her story was very interesting and I am glad that she wrote it so that perhaps someone else who is in a controlling/ abusive relationship might see the pattern and realize that they too could get out of such a horrible relationship. I remember on the show that she kept saying that Josh was "her type", which she also mentions in the book, and I really hope that she has learned to open her mind and heart to men who are not "her type" because extremely attractive ex-pro athletes don't seem to have worked out so well for her so far! Josh said what she wanted to hear when he was still trying to lure her in, and changed his tune after the end of the show. He was very controlling, jealous over really petty things, and emotionally and verbally abusive. I am glad that she found the courage to leave him despite all the hardship she knew she would have to go through, not just her own pain about the breakup but also the publicity because of the show.

b
BigOrange
Jan 17, 2017

As a die-hard Bachelor/ette fan (embarrassedly so), I particularly liked this book. I felt that Andi told the truth as she saw it and she did so in a non-salacious way. I just hope that she returns to the law and her career - she's too sharp-witted not to.

m
Mmegood
Jan 12, 2017

I happened to watch a few of the interviews posted on YouTube about her book release. That really helped put the book into context. You have to keep in mind while reading this that these are from her journal entries and she is hurt, angry, and processing everything she has been through. Keeping that in mind helped me through this book. I'm also not one who swears so the language I found startling. Particularly in the beginning, when her voice is most volatile. It's also interesting to read this in light of Josh Murray "number twenty-six" having broken up with another fiancé... or she broke up with him. Upon viewing some of the interviews of Andi, there were also the break up reports posted on YouTube, and I believe her name is Amanda, stated something to the effect of "you get to a point and you realize there are things that you either can or cannot work on, and there were things that were just not going to improve in our relationship". Yes girl, I know that's code for "I went through exactly what Andi did."

Also, this book hit home in that my parents had a really negative relationship and my dad was always making terrible comments to both my mom and I. It brought up tough, old feelings, but also solidified that some people are toxic and cannot be a part of ones life.

s
shoegal24
Dec 22, 2016

So bad! Reads like it was written by a grade 9 student. Although it does give an interesting perspective, it is hard to believe that the author has a law degree. Very quick read, but hardly worth the time.

t
tseringyangchen
Dec 05, 2016

Huge Bachelor/Bachelorette fan. I picked up this book because BIP hyped up this book so I was curious to know what happened when the cameras stopped rolling. This book is mainly for people who are getting over a heartbreak so I skipped over a bunch of Andi's advice since I am not going through that. I actually loved reading her point of view on her reality show experience! I would recommend it. Some parts were hilarious!

c
Clamato
Dec 04, 2016

Cringe worthy. I kept thinking that I hoped her parents never even cracked a copy of this foul-mouthed rant. How she got this book deal is beyond me. As a long time follower of the car wreck franchise Bachelor and Bachelorette series, I thought there might be more insider tidbits. Instead I skimmed through it and definitely skipped her "advice" for the broken- hearted-recently dumped. Understandable her ex is a loser but OMG what a waste of time to write then publish a book about the ordeal! I wish Ms Dorfman all the best but after what she has put down in print for perpetuity, I wonder what's next for her. She should never have given up her day job!

m
Mukene
Sep 29, 2016

*shudders* What a poorly written book. You can definitely read it in one day.
It provides you with an idea on what kind of person the author is.
Reading it felt like hanging out at a high school listening to kids overuse cliche statements and throw their hair back to make a point.

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